Dear mortal Arti,

 My angels and I have been thinking for a while. Since we introduced the first human-being on Earth 300 million years ago, a lot of time has passed. We might even be too late. We should have prepared the upgraded models right after WW II. But unfortunately that could not happen. Especially the movement against humanity within my administration obstructed me from investing more into your species and its habitat.
Nevertheless, you (that is, the creature called human) are my first flame, and therefore, by making some alterations to the distribution of resources for this year, I managed to allocate some funds to the development of a more advanced version of your species. After setting up a wide search, I decided to commission the work from you. After all, nothing is like it was 150 million years before. More, I personally lack the energy to design a new type of human.
I deeply suffer from the use of my name and personage on the Internet, on twitter, on facebook. The devil says: close them all, let them stay without social media, those pimps. But I am told that my public relations will decline, that all the efforts we have done over 200 years to improve my image would be in vain. If I allow my PR agency, they will make me start a blog on the web.
Anyway, let me not tire you with my problems. What I want mostly from you is a demo, a nice, adjustable, cheap and easily changeable one, fit for digital environments. Mikhail will soon let you know as to where and how you will do the delivery.
There will be a couple of basic changes to the power systems and interface functions. Taking the global warming into account, maybe a self-supporting fan system or some kind of air filter mechanism to balance out excessive heating in the brain would be good, I guess.  
I heard that my eternal enemy, the Devil, himself is about to have a human species designed and has started to take advice from big companies like yours. My most important demand from you is that our deal is fully exclusive. From the moment that you agree to do the job, you can’t design any living organism for another client. I will have these conditions added to the NDA that we will sign.
In order to avoid version incompatibilities, there will be an extensive testing process and debugging study. My test teams will stay in your studio for a while, so that they can work well. Because the upgrade of all the old versions requires an enormous investment, when the agreement is definitive, it will be one your responsibilities to provide an environment in which the new version of our human will start to be self-reproductive.

My dear human Lebedev,
Designing humans does not resemble designing umbrellas or producing coffee mugs. Your projections that this project will take all of your time as well as your team’s, and that the work process will be arduous are only right.
I expect you to diagnose the negative and positive aspects of the organism in its current state, as well as to take care of the buggy-related issues that appear at the interface and that have remained irresolvable for centuries.
My most important demands are the extension of their heights, a variety of eye colors, improvement of the thumb function, and an add-on of modules allowing males too to conceive. And yes, your job also has a moral dimension. I deeply regret not doing this before, but I want a default faith mechanism. The new version shouldn’t question me, my friend, the default should accept me. None but I have created the internet, the world, the otters…
Also, the past centuries taught me that building communication through books is conducive to all kinds of misunderstandings. Because I will abandon the arrangement of one book per religion, with the new type of human, I want a direct peer-to-peer connection to myself. I should be able to communicate with every single mortal without a third party in-between!  Like Torrent file sharing. I realize that this will bring additional costs onto the budget, but I suppose we can make a barter by taking into account the mutual interests offered by the use of this medium.
Finally, I don’t want any safety loopholes. Not only should the head be free of viruses, also the body. We used clay on the previous model so that it would be cheap. This time, let’s not be stingy when it comes to the material. Good luck with the job!

Author: Sosyal Keçi

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